Nation Promises to Discuss Gun Control and Mental Healthcare Just as Soon as...
The tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut has sparked national outrage and cries for reform, eventually. The massacre – which left 26 dead, including 20 children – has...
View ArticlePrometheus Bound Again
Prometheus, the Titan once imprisoned by Zeus for his questionable act of bringing fire to mankind, has once again found himself facing punishment. The mythological Greek figure appears guilty of a...
View ArticleNew Plans for Kissam College Halls
Last Sunday, after much anticipation, more information on Vanderbilt’s plans for the new Kissam College Halls was leaked onto the Internet. Sources say that in addition to dormitories, the university...
View ArticleLocal Student Shamed After Failing to Post Facebook Comment on Recent Storm...
After a long Tuesday night filled with tornado warning sirens, Alumni Lawn resident John Smith decided not to post a Facebook status about how the noise affected him. “I just didn’t see a point,” Smith...
View ArticleNashville Father Vehemently Against Getting Another Dog
In response to requests from his two daughters Karen and Jade, local father Chris McGuire announced last Tuesday that he simply will not allow his family to procure another dog. “We already have a...
View ArticleVanderbilt Charlie Chaplincy Reinstated
Seeking to mediate the non-discrimination policy debacle and generally raise campus laughter, the Office of Religious Life has appointed Marcus Woods as the new campus Charlie Chaplin. The campus...
View Article“If Global Warming is Real, Why Is It So Cold Out?” Counters Man Who Thinks...
BUFFALO, NY – In what some are calling a “crippling blow” to the theory of global warming, Allentown resident Rob Mathers has posited that “if that global warmin’ mumbo jumbo bullshit was true, then...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Dub-Woofer: Dog to Headline Rites of Spring
In an amazing turn of events the VPB Music Group was proud to announce last Friday that they would be making history by announcing a dog, Mazy the Golden Retriever, as a 2013 Rites of Spring...
View ArticleArt Prodigy’s Creativity Stifled by RoseArt Supplies
According to a statement issued by his sister Becky this past week, five year old art prodigy Chuck Berkholtz has his creativity routinely stifled by the low-quality art supplies of the RoseArt company...
View ArticleAmerican Study Finds Americans Are the Best
According to the results of a recent study funded by the national government, Americans are undoubtedly superior to citizens of other countries. The study, which judged various countries’ populations...
View ArticleKansas Town Left Reeling in Wake of Mass Resurrection
HOLCOMB, KANSAS—Tragedy struck Tuesday when one hundred people were brought back to life in small town Kansas. Among the living included the Clutter family, brutally murdered in their home by Richard...
View ArticleNew Vandy Van Stops
In a recent revitalization of its Vandy Van system, Vanderbilt University has added some new stops to the Green Line. Feeling that the line has far too few stops, stops has been added in an attempt to...
View ArticleAXLE: Welcome to the Jungle of Unlimited Possibilities
As always, another flawless class registration for spring semester took place. Eager students woke up hours before the start of class registration to queue online in order to sign up for classes to...
View ArticleMothers Nurturing Vanderbilt
In an effort by Vanderbilt University to expand its sustainable and local foods program, Vanderbilt has started the initiative Squeeze and Feed connecting lactating mothers and meal side options. Under...
View Article
